Monday, April 27, 2009

NIGHT IN MONTREAL

The night was dark
she was a happy bubbly specimen
I waved to her
she smilled
I went up to her like a flood of jewels
told her all about my past
and about how noble the police were
about how I just returned from Russia
which was more enlightening than the church
and she listened attentively at my lunacy
as I told her no lie
she laughed
I laughed
will you kiss me?
no no no its impossible she said
my lips are cold
I have ice in my veins
and need another fix
as she hurried away

(using prompt words..specimen, lunacy, impossible, veins)

18 comments:

Linda Jacobs said...

This is so vrbrant! I love, "I went up to her like a flood of jewels"!

Jenn Jilks said...

clever!

jimmmaaa said...

I like this Wayne, especially these lines:

will you kiss me?
no no no its impossible she said
my lips are cold
I have ice in my veins
and need another fix
as she hurried away

Good write!

watermaid said...

There's such a story here. It would be lunacy to tell anyone all. :)

Wayne Pitchko said...

thanks again....for taking the time...your all amazing

Phil Thrift said...

yet again: a cinematic poem with great visuals and feeling

Elizabeth said...

Very compelling images. The end is quite moving.

Liz - www.blog.elizabethenslin.com

Elizabeth said...

Very compelling images. I found the ending particularly moving.

Liz - www.blog.elizabethenslin.com

Lluvia said...

"I called you tonight for a kiss, dummy." - Imaginary response from the Ice Queen. ;-)

Jeeves said...

Brilliant, brilliant. Esp the ending.

Wayne Pitchko said...

"called me for a kiss" hmmm but you called me a dummy.....hey there might be a poem here including a dummy and an ice queen....dummy putting on his thinking hat

Lluvia said...

Yeah, and then she said "Too many jewels are blinding!" as she walked right past him arms out, feeling her way, lol. Have a good night, Wayne. Btw, how is your partner's knee? I hope you are a good cook. ;-)

godessofnirvana said...

so crisp, so real.
and thanks for your kind words.

bitchyangel said...

i enjoyed reading this...
especially these lines

will you kiss me?
no no no its impossible she said
my lips are cold
I have ice in my veins
and need another fix
as she hurried away
looking forward to your next...

Wayne Pitchko said...

Yikes...I guess I am a dummy then..My partner is doing well...walking a bit with walker..and doing rehab...ex and such...and of course dear wayne is the nurse...cooking? well im getting better..she is a dynamite cook...runn ing Eleven22 Grill and Liquids (they got a web site) with her son....but hey im trying..maybe between the 2 of us we can get the "dummy" poem going

Lluvia said...

Let's. I am already on it. Thanks, Wayne. =)

Lluvia said...

Wayne, if you are a dummy, then so am I. How is this for a start? Feel free to critique, add to, write a response. Btw, I can handle lit crit much better than personal attacks. ;-)

How foolish am I to chase a ghost
and say 'goodbye' to your kiss?
Afraid of what I wanted the most,
I ran away from rapturous bliss.
Your eyes as hungry as my heart,
Your smile slew my pride.
I wanted you but chose to part,
Yet you had found a place inside.
So alone I walked away, alone,
and thought of 'what if we held hands?'
And wondered of the words you chose,
whether I should have changed my plans.

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

I like your dark ending -- left me rather sad (but then again I'm a glutton for pain). Good use of the words.