+poga+poetry+by+wayne.jpg)
Amigo on seawall.JPG)
Wayne and amigo on benchRWP#95.."mash" 2 poems together. Poems not satisfied with. I mashed SLEEPING ON THE EDGE and OPPOSITE SIDES OF BENCH (in italics) then every 5th line I added a new line (BOLD)..anyways this what I came up with
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THREE AMIGOS
Above the saffron pavement
sitting on a bench in Havana
all I can see beyond him
drinking rum
I am a happy stranger
with Jesus lying on the malecon seawall
we talked about poetry
the Havana coastline retreating like a hem
like beat poets
getting drunk to get thirsty
covered in the cobwebs of the breeze
cultivating a rose by Jose Marti
enclosed in turquoise they slept
revolutionaries in love
having nothing having it all
along the malecon
we attracted kindred spirits
from the patches of seaweed
and Hemmingways for whom the bells tolls
writing when the writing was done
I saw at first glance
baseball Castro and Cuban music
azure ripples of the Carribean Sea
a common destiny
three amigos rum poetry and dreaming.
13 comments:
I really enjoyed what you were able to accomplish out of this mashed idea...I was able to actually "get" what you were going for, plus it made me feel as if on a tropical getaway...nice!
I think the combo and additions really round out the piece into an interesting whole. The images play off each other very nicely. My favorite sequence is:
the Havana coastline retreating like a hem
like beat poets
getting drunk to get thirsty
The added lines work really well to give some focus. It's got great atmosphere.
revolutionaries in love
having nothing having it all
Enclosed in turquoise,Castro and cuban music,
roses rum and poetry,azure ripples of the Carribean....I'm coming with you! Envious!
I felt like I was hanging out with you guys. Loved the voice, cadence, rhythm of this piece.
(And in case it doesn't post right - having challenges posting to blogspot for whatever reason - this is JulieJordanScott who read your link at ReadWritePoem.org)
This was marvellously done. It all fitted together so well - and you took the reader there.
Flows well, it is sentimental, melodious, and your words evoke the 'smell' of the Caribbean. Few have languished in Havana. For a brief moment I thought that was me on the malecon. I liked your poem. ?;-)
Regards,
DH
Great mash-up work!
objectivity
Hi Wayne,
I love the idea of a saffron pavement as well as being "covered in the cobwebs of the breeze"
I'd have thought these "three amigos" were together from the beginning. Great read!
I think you've got a good blend going here: "with Jesus lying on the malecon seawall/
we talked about poetry/
the Havana coastline retreating like a hem...getting drunk to get thirsty/
covered in the cobwebs of the breeze/
cultivating a rose by Jose Marti...
we attracted kindred spirits/
from the patches of seaweed".
The threeway combination is creating really neat and unexpected leaps that still retain coherence and a sense of the poem moving as a whole.
I agree with all the praise above! This mash-up works really well. I really like the idea of adding a third element after the first two mashees are put together. I love the phrase "rum poetry" -- I think you've invented a new sub-genre! And "malecon" is a neat word; I like poems which give me a new neat word to consider.
--Therese L. Broderick
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